Looking Back

It has been a long long while ever since I actually sit down, translating thoughts into words and putting them down across in this space. Frankly speaking, I have lost the ability to do so. Cluttered thoughts are bad, they made even the slightest things seem more messy. I used to spend some time for myself, going through all those questions and self doubts in my head, organising them and sorting them out in the best possible way I could. Contradictorily, I stop doing so since long time ago (twitter’s fault!). It actually becomes harder to clear mental clutter than before. To a certain point in time, I’m so used to leaving them aside and then forgetting the next morning when I wake up before they come back altogether again.

It is a tiring race against myself. I’m actually way behind that perfect self I’ve been looking up to. Stepping out of the comfort zone is tough, growing up is painful. As a matter of fact, no one can stay on that comfortable couch forever. I do know what I want, maybe too many things at a time and so I need to make a choice not choices. I’m contradicting myself every time I say I want to graduate as soon as possible, but not exactly cause I don’t want to make a choice or a mistake about my career even though I’m dying to venture out and try. It is tough to speak what’s in my mind, because words are pale and sometimes redundant. But I do need a break, my brain should stop going into overdrive.

Goodbye, I’m tired from trying to make this post work cause my grammar sucks and my choppy sentences look bad (what happens when you stop blogging for a long time).